Dance Me Free

I’ve been feeling differently in my legs and hip recently. Not big changes that others would notice, and sometimes I wonder if I imagine them, but I get these glimpses.

Glimpses of what it felt like/feels like to be without the stuckness, to have more strength, more flexibility, more movement, more balance. What it USED to feel like to be in my body, to be more sure footed in my legs.

Though they only last for a few seconds, I don’t think the universe is toying with me in a negative, teasing kind of way. I’d like to think these aren’t just short imaginings I’m making up, but real life happenings, reminders.

Reminders of what it feels like to be aligned, physically, not ‘just’ energetically or spiritually. And reminders of the power of that energy, of spirit.

I feel like the universe wants me to know that what I’ve been doing on an energetic level is working. To not give up. That energy really is everything. And it’s building.

Building up to what I’ve been wanting. Building up towards the dreams that I’ve been dreaming. That these ‘little’ feelings are much bigger than I think. And rather than giving up, I need to trust this path because I’m really on the right one. I’ve been doing all the right things, even if I don’t see the full manifestation of it yet.

If I can just keep going, it’s telling me with the nudges, if I can keep reaching, remembering and dreaming into the possibilities, my body will take them on. It will recall how to do it all again, and even better this time, as it lines up with my new energetics.

That I’ll be able to move more fluidly, with more confidence. That I’ll be able to dance again, but more connected, more in tune, bolder, larger, deeper than I ever have, because I know what it feels like to be without that. Because I know what this means on a deeper level. That I’ve done the work.

Even if other people seem to think I’m being overly hopeful, and despite their sympathetic stares that feed my own doubts, it’s like I’m being fed moments of other possibilities.

You’ve done it for me before, Universe. You’ve listened to my requests and given me what I wanted, especially in the dancing department.

Back then, I couldn’t feel my legs. I was getting numbness in so many parts of my body and had no idea what was happening. But I asked you to give me the feeling back. And I promised that if you did, I would go out and use my body more, appreciate it , Dance it, just because I could, and not compare myself to other people.

And within a short time, my wish came true. And boy, did I DANCE! In places I didn’t even know that Dance could take me. That I could take me. My legs chassed, and slid and pranced and spun in places with people I never even knew I could meet through this crazy Dancing world. Sure, I still stumbled from time to time, and got scared, and sometimes let my mind take over again. But…I had such profound moments, many of them, when I was truly in my body, and letting it do its magic.

And WAS IT MAGICAL! Whooh! It is magical. I can still feel it, remember it, tap into it. I sometimes dream at night that I am doing it. But when I wake up, it’s not my reality.

I’d like it to be.

I’d like it back. My dancing body. That, and more.

This time, I can feel my body. There is less numbness, but so much weakness, it’s so stuck, scared, stiff, lacking of power and coordination.

If you give this back to me, the dancing- balance, the coordination, the control, strength, fluidity and play, the ability to play more with my body- I vow to go full out this time! There will be no holding back.

And even in the most vulnerable moments, I will feel into that, and see and use the beauty of it.

I will use my body, this vessel that I came here with and was blessed with, to its full potential. And encourage others to do the same.

I will never take it for granted. I will love it unconditionally, and fully appreciate it. I would like to love it into dancing again. It loved it so much. It has loved me so much. I loved how it felt to move with the music, and be able to try different styles and footwork and rhythms and tricks. And I’d like to give that love back to it.

Although I’m scared of what it’s capable of, what I am capable of, I really want to explore and dive in deeper this time. I will go to classes, or practise on my own. I won’t shy away from hip hop and house or choreo or maybe even krumping!

I will try everything, whatever my body calls for. And I will take chances on the dance floors of life, to find my own style, to find what moves me, and how I move differently from anyone else. I will turn every floor into a place for dancing.

I will savour each dance, each isolation, each connection with a new awareness, a new energy, a new vitality.

It can be our little secret, between you and me, where this new dancer in me came from. But I don’t want the secret of this passion to just live inside me. I want to let it out.

Big and beautiful! It will be a testament to how I’ve been forgiving myself, loving myself, healing my feminine energy, my left side. To show it how safe it is for it to show up again. That we’ve got it. That I’ve got it. That we are held and protected and free. And that other people can do this as well.

I will be the embodiment of Dance Me Free. I will not let people tell me how to move or what looks good or what I can or cannot do. And most of all, I will not let myself stop me from being the dancer I came here to be. To dance myself into my full being. To dance through life!

I will leap, I will soar, I will grind into and across the floor, and use the connection between me and the ground, and my partner, and the music to express all I’ve wanted. And let my body do the speaking.

I will fly. I will be T-Fly, in all her glory, wings and all, unapologetically me. Ultimate liberty.
Let’s go! Let’s dance! Let’s do this! Laila’s daughter. I want to show them all who she is. Who we are.

When you give this back to me. 😉