I always used to have issues speaking up, speaking confidently. I didn’t know what my opinions were, and wasn’t sure whether anyone would want to hear them. And when I did voice something, it seemed to come out hesitant, shaky, unsure.
I also experienced a lot of issues with my throat – dry coughs, irritations, cracking and loss of my voice. I thought that was just the way my voice was. That I couldn’t do anything about it. I thought I hated my voice. So I spoke less and wrote and listened more. I was known as the quiet one.
Back then, I didn’t realize how much our voice is connected to our individuality. That each of us has a very unique resonance. And how that resonance gets expressed often reflects what is going on for us internally- emotionally and subconsciously. I was holding on to so much that I wasn’t even aware of- fears, conditioning, anger, sadness, trauma and secrets. Maybe not even from this lifetime, but from past ones. And this was affecting my voice and sense of self. It was also affecting how I was showing up in how I let, or didn’t let, my creativity flow through me..
I didn’t know how much I wanted to speak out. I wanted to be heard. I wanted my voice to matter. I also wanted it to sound smooth and fluid, the kind of voice everyone loved to hear. I was so envious of great singers and moving speakers because of how they would express with so much passion and confidence. I was envious of anyone, in fact, who could express so deeply and move others to laughter, inspiration and tears. Whether they were artists, musicians. singers, or dancers, even other children who seemed so free in the way they played- I wanted to know how to do that for myself. People would tell me it was natural. But it felt so far from natural for me.Continue reading